vulnerable rem·i·nis·cence

. to talk or write about old times, past experiences, etc.

.recall the past

 .recapture the past; indulge in memories

.live in the past, go over in the memory

This morning I woke up recalling the past; this time last year. I found myself at a loss for words, [internally] thanking God that that time in my life has passed. It is not completely over as I still struggle today but, those feelings...those awful awful feelings of worthlessness, doubt, fear, pure unhappiness, are gone! Halle-freaking-lujah! 

Though I have not come as far as I had hoped by now (almost a year), I've certainly changed! Smiling was foreign. Laughter, bogus. Hope, non-existent. I still deal with strong insecurities and fight myself on a daily basis. Sometimes wishing I could just go Ali on myself-float like a butterfly or sting like a bee, either way it'd be a subject chamge : ) 

Not exactly sure why but, I felt compelled to share these feelings, this story, MY story, with you. 

I personally want to thank my mom, Barker, my family, my Bethany family and all of my friends for simply being there. You've taught me to smile with my heart, not just my mouth. Laughter now billows from my soul. And everyday I have hope for something new. You all are extraordinary people! Lots and lots of love from me to you!

wreckless abandon

oh my word! A ridiculous amount of time has passed since I last updated! What a waste for the cute space! : ) I have had a lot and I mean A LOT going on. I've barely had a full day within the last 3-4 months to stop and smell the roses. My memory often fails me so lets see if I can even attempt a re-cap...*I am co-planing an incredible event called Rock n' Roses (this is what has consumed all my "extra", non-working time)...I am very proud to be a part of this, I cannot wait for September 25! Going to be SO fun! *I decided to make a life change and began working out, HARD, 3 days a week-I'm doing P90x and insanity...needless to say it's been INSANE! Squeezing in the time has been difficult but I make it work and it's always worth it (except for yesterday, I thought I was gonna hurl, NOT  fun!) haha! *This is not new news but it's re-occuring  and frustrating as ever-Remember "Mr. Exception"? He's still around, that pedestal I placed him on keeps getting closer and closer to the ground. We're great friends, which is awesome but, my girly emotions keep getting in the way. I cannot figure him out, nor can anyone else...he's a tough code to crack! Homegirl (moi) might have to suck it up and "spit some game" or whatever the kids are calling it these days! hahah! I've asked for plenty of advice and it's all greatly appreciated but I hear "do this", "don't do this", "just wait!", "talk to him about it", "go with the flow", yada yada yada! The only one who seems to not be "OK" is me! So, I'm trying to talk myself into doing what's right, or feels right anyways, for me and be content with it. Then, that will be that! Moving on...*Business has picked up which is SUPER sweet!! I have a shoot this evening with a local actress/friends mom/friend of mine and I'm really excited about it! It could open many doors for me!! of the heart photography

Wow, that was a cruddy re-cap...makes my claims of being ridiculously busy seem like hogwash. Oh well. That is that my friends! I say this all the time on her but, I will try to keep this updated as often as possible! In the meantime, check out the Rock n' Roses event website, get all the info you need and "like" our page on facebook! Hope life is grand and beautiful and even a little trying in hopes that you learn and grow stronger!

Happy Saturday darlings!